Grief: Losing a Life Partner
Judy Reith
Co-Founder
Cambridge Widows
Writer and coach Judy Reith is the co-founder of Cambridge Widows. Anyone wanting help to start a widow’s group is welcome to contact her: judy@act3life.com.
A life partner dying feels like you have moved to the North Pole and are never coming home.
Grief: Losing a Life Partner
My husband Adrian died at 66 from oesophageal cancer. A coach and keen cyclist, he had loads of adventures planned when the pension kicked in. Married 32 years, we were enjoying our empty nest and promoting the coaching book we co-wrote, Act 3: The Art of Growing Older. Cancer, it turned out, took over Adrian’s Act 3. I am left facing an unchosen future. As a writer, I can work, I volunteer, and visit my daughters. I have a plenty of friends, and family who offer me precious support from a coffee to a holiday, but what helps me most to live with grief has come about by chance.
Soon after being widowed, I was introduced to a neighbour, Helen, whose husband had also recently died. Helen is very different to me, but through our experience of being widowed, we formed an instant connection that has become a lifeline ever since. Other widows, in and around Cambridge have come our way. We are now a group of 20, all in our Act 3 stage of life, aged 45- 70. We hold regular meet-ups, walks, pub trips and outings. Geography really helps, so does being a women only group, but we run some events to include widowed men too. Meeting face to face combats the terrible signs of widowhood we live with every day; the empty chair, the pillow talk gone, the shattered teamwork of parenting and running a home. As one new member said, widowed 8 years, ‘I’m so glad I found Cambridge Widows, I feel I can breathe again.’
A life partner dying feels like you have moved to the North Pole and are never coming home. You have no map or compass, and your brain is like porridge. Finding even one person who truly understands what you are navigating will be your way out. Joining (or starting) a widow’s group at work, or in your community, will be your new tribe, you don’t want to join, but the support, connection, and empathy it brings is a life-saver. At Cambridge Widows gatherings, anyone might cry, grumble about their kids, or share widow dilemmas, such as wedding rings, living off fish fingers or how to cope with anniversaries or family milestones. And we have a bloody good laugh.
Writer and coach Judy Reith is the co-founder of Cambridge Widows. Anyone wanting help to start a widow’s group is welcome to contact her.
Judy Reith act3life.com
judy@act3life.com
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